Elise rode on the school bus for the first time today. As you can tell she wasn't at all thrilled about it. In fact she seemed terrified.
I felt like the worst mom ever.
Here I was putting my 3 year old (who doesn't understand much) on the bus, buckling her, and telling her she is going to preschool and waving bye to her. During that whole time she kept looking at me like what is going on, what is this place, who are these people, and where am I going.
Yep I felt awful and cried after. I kept thinking, who does that to their child? I felt so sad for her. I hate that I had to be in that position. I hate that I can't just keep her home with me like any other 3 year old. I hate it. It's hard leaving her with so many different therapists yet I know all of it is to help her. As much as I wish desperately that I could do it all myself, give her all the time and energy the therapists do, I know I can't and that's what I hate sometimes.
I know that God knows me and my tender feelings as a mom because Elise's teacher called me a little bit after Elise arrived to tell me Elise was safe and was doing great. That's all I needed to hear. It was like the Spirit was telling me that I wasn't such a terrible mom after all, that Elise did and would live through this experience and that it was all going to be all right.
I LOVE being a mom to my 5 kids; one with special needs. There is no greater joy than being a parent! I love each one individually but this blog will mostly focus on our daughter with special needs and our journey with her. Thanks for reading!