Ez and I talked to a financial planner about our future with Elise. He also has a special needs daughter so it was good to talk to him to know what we should plan for and do.
It was really weird thinking into the future: going to court when she's 18 years old so we can become her legal guardians, setting up a special needs trust, and determing how much financially we will need to set aside for her.
This was never in my plans. It's been a long process trying to swallow the idea of Elise always being with us. That idea actually never occurred to me until this year when I realized she was a lot lower functioning.
When she was first diagnosed I thought she would get therapy, make all these leaps and bounds of improvement and be pretty high funcitoning. Never did it occur to me that she would be with Ez and me forever.
I remember watching Elise as I was blow drying my hair one day awhile ago. She was wandering from the bathroom and back into my room over and over. A thought that had never occured to me before was, "What if Elise never marries?" I then realized, "She will probably never have children." Those thoughts were so heartbreaking. I cried and cried as I finished getting ready. It hurt so much to know that the two greatest things that bring me joy, Elise wouldn't get to experience in this life.
I won't get to help her pick out her wedding dress. I won't be able to watch her be sealed in the temple. I won't get to hold her babies. So many "endings" consumed me that day as reality hit me. Little did I know that not only wouldn't she get to experience those things in this life but would need a caretaker the rest of her life.
I am beyond grateful when a leader of our church gave a talk in a worldwide general conference. His conference address was on, "Grateful in Any Circumstance." He said,
"In His (Heavenly Father's) plan there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings." -Pres. Dieter F. Utchdorf
As difficult as it is to swallow these realizations, I am eternally grateful these things aren't endings. She will be married and she will have children, just in God's timing.
This is only the beginning for her.
I LOVE being a mom to my 5 kids; one with special needs. There is no greater joy than being a parent! I love each one individually but this blog will mostly focus on our daughter with special needs and our journey with her. Thanks for reading!